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English 110 Learning Outcome 6

Outcome 6(Sentence- Level Error)– control sentence-level error(grammer, punctuation, spelling).

Similarly to MLA formatting, we did not dive deep into the grammatical side of English which I thoroughly enjoyed. Instead having a focus on learning how to elaborate on what “I Say” in connection with the “They Say”. 

In my revision process, I read my writing out loud, which helps identify more sentence level errors that I correct to have flow in my writing. 

In my first work sample I will show a paragraph from my first essay with minor sentence level correction. My second work sample will hone in on simplicity in word choice and summary to avoid congestion. 

In my first work sample, simple sentence corrections such as proper tense, sentence outline and labeling of author is shown. The intention of emphasizing the value of influence social media can have is not hindered, but can be put together a little more smoothly. 

My second work sample had less minor sentence level error in comparison to my first work sample. My thoughts and ideas are clear and cut to the point, such as a Professor Brod mentions. My punctuation around quote integration is consistent on having pauses through the use of commas when needed to break up introducing the author and bringing in the quotes.

Never before in an English class have I had to write several 5+ page essays. Throughout the semester I learned that I had the free range to split up my sentences and ideas as well as elaborate when needed.

Learning Outcome 5

Outcome 5(Document Work MLA)– Document their work using Appropriate conventions MLA).

MLA citations have been engraved in my head since middle school. Times New Roman font, size 12, double spaced works cited at bottom, proper MLA in text citation(Last name page number), headers on each page, title and correct format of name, professor, class and date.

 In class we rarely discussed MLA formatting, and have focused more on the meat and potatoes of what we are writing. I have correctly used MLA format in my three essays, and in my work samples will give examples in which I properly used in text citations as well as used appropriate signal phrases to show who the quote is referring to. 

 In both samples from essay 1 and essay 3, I correctly utilize in text MLA citation when citing quotes based on how they are introduced. When I introduce the author before the quote, I do not cite the author again in parentheses and solely include the page number. If I do not introduce the author in the signal phrase, the author’s last name is cited in parentheses at the end of the quote. I also properly format my punctuation after the parenthesis. 

Being consistent in properly using MLA citations helps the reader never have to guess who is during the talking, whether it is the writer, author, outside source, etc. 

Outcome 4(Peer Review)– Be able to critique their own and others’ work by emphasizing global revision early in the writing process and local revision later in the process.

Never before in school have I been given specific guidelines step by step on peer review. Furthermore, never before in school have I had the opportunity to give peer review during class. 

When looking back with Kristen over our first peer review session we had, she believed the comments I made for her had a balance between global and local revision. With my comments, she honed in on adding more personal experiences, as well as going more in depth in the personal experiences she already mentioned, and learned to shorten her quotes to focus on the text most beneficial in supporting her claims. 

With a focus and priority on global revision from the beginning, my peer review from the first to third session had not changed significantly. But compared to high school much, I have a more developed global focus through an understanding of how to globally focus. Focussing on the “They Say” and “I Say”, proportion and essay requirements.

My work samples with show the last end comment I made and the last end comment I received from Ethan on essay 3. 

In my end comment to Ethan on his third essay, I pinpointed my evaluation on his “I Say”, focussing on elaboration, the “They Say”, his effective source integration in supporting his claims, the paper general requirements as well as emphasizing bringing all his ideas back to the prompt. My feedback is based on helping Ethan get his overall message across. 

Ethan’s end comment for me, gave me guidance in zoning on and bringing all my thoughts together. His feedback reminded me to dive deeper in my personal connections and explain simply why they are in my essay. Peer review and meeting with Professor Brod during his office hours was immensely beneficial in getting different perspectives on my writing, and finding ways to grow and expand my thoughts and ideas.

Outcome 3(Active Reading)– Employ techniques of active reading, critical reading, and informal reading response for inquiry, learning and thinking. 

Annotating is not a new or foreign concept to me. Throughout grade school I would be given books and essays to read and annotate. Personally, I define active reading/annotating as a way to consume and more deeply understand what it is I am reading. Annotating keeps me engaged and focussed on what I am intending to get from what I am reading, such as further developing a claim for a prompt I will have to write about. 

I found the brief guide to marking texts/annotating sheet helpful in developing a foundation in what exactly to annotate on. As stated on this guide, “we work to be active, critical readers because this approach to reading helps us bring our own ideas and thoughts to the table”.  I used this template for the readings this semester. I found annotations relating to understanding, relating and extending to be most beneficial in helping me learn how to incorporate what “I Say” when elaborating on the “They Say”.

In my first work sample I will give an example from earlier in the semester of annotations in which I wrote understanding, relating and extending thoughts. My second work sample will be from later in the semester when I did not physically write out my annotations but highlighted important areas in developing my claims. 

When I annotated using the guideline, annotating to understand(u) the meaning of words was beneficial in helping me grasp connections between ideas. For example, learning that “diffuse” means spread out, aided my understanding of Bloom’s belief of empathy to have more of a negative connotation with the narrow focus it has.

Being able to relate in text to text(T to T) between Bloom and Konnikova in my annotations allowed me to identify similarities and differences when writing my essay. Furthermore, extending on Bloom’s thoughts such as putting in my own words when Bloom is referring to getting dim for those that we don’t know allows me to collect my ideas in relation to Blooms. 

When annotating, I like to physically and easily see what stands out in the reading. The most beneficial part of annotating for me is highlighting anything that can aid what I believe.

In my second work sample I do not have specified annotations. However, by highlighting and starring what catches my eye, I am able to come back to the text later on and develop the connections that originally came to mind. The labels 2 and 3 on this page relate to text that supports my second and third claim of my essay. 

Outcome 2(Integrating Ideas)– Be able to integrate their ideas with others using summary, paraphrase, quotation, analysis and synthesis of relevant sources. 

Throughout grade school, source integration was an integral part of my writing. I have been familiar with using full, embedded and paraphrased quotes. As previously mentioned in my Learning Outcome 1, the “They Say” of my writing was deeply emphasized in high school through a lack of ability to incorporate more of what “I Say”, such as by not being able to use “I”.

Partial/Embedded quotes always have and still continued through this class to be my favored source integration style. It helped me in high school incorporate more of what “I Say” in the form of a “They Say”. Throughout this class I have learned to incorporate more full and paraphrase quotes. 

In my work samples I will show a paragraph from my first essay and third essay and the growth in variety of source integrations used.

My work sample from paragraph 1 shows my comfortability in embedded quotes in adding more of my thoughts and beliefs in relation to the source I am integrating. Although the layout of my integration is constant throughout the paragraph, my ideas flow with Konnikova’s.

My work sample paragraph from essay 3 shows partial quotes as well as paraphrased quotes. Mixing in a variety of source integration allows for a balance of expressing my thoughts separately and together with my sources. It also adds more variation to the layout of my writing which may be more intriguing for the reader to consume. 

In the future I will still most likely favor embedded quotes, but knowing how to use paraphrased and full quotes definitely doesn’t hurt. 

Outcome 1(Recursive Process)– Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity(global revision) as well as editing and proofreading (local revision). 

Never before have I learned how to truly revise and had opportunities in class to prioritize the revision process of my writing. Throughout this semester I have learned the process of analyzing the “They Say” in connection and relation to bringing it all together with what “I say”. In high school, I was taught simply to never use “I”, thus focused more on summary and relating sources back to the prompt. I had the “They Say” down to a tee, but had no opportunity to incorporate the “I Say”, until now! I have had free range to incorporate personal connections and details however I felt best fit to validate my claims. 

Furthermore, I had less sentence level structure formats I had to follow. For example, previously I was taught my thesis could only be one sentence and had to bring in my main claims for my body paragraphs. That was not the case in this class. I had the ability to split up my thesis, focussing on elaborating on my beliefs and not feeling I had to cram my ideas. 

In my work samples I will show an example of how I learned to elaborate on a personal connection(global revision) as well as an example of how I learned to split up my claim(local revision).

In my first work sample example, there is a clear difference in specificity. My rough draft personal connection explains my main ideas of the value of in person connections and relationships. However, it does not illustrate the moment I am describing. I am able to bring the reader in to really feel what I felt by adding more personal detail. I am globally revising by further developing my claim.

In my second work sample, my muscle memory of cramming my claims and overall message into one sentence is seen. It is filled with detail, but lacks flow and is difficult for the reader to truly comprehend what I intended to get across. My final thesis elaborates on the same points, but is updated on the sentence(local) level to allow the reader to feel less overwhelmed/fatigued by reading it. 

Read Chapter 12 in They Say/I Say (on revision).

 Pay particular attention to the Revision Checklist (starts on p. 165). 

Then, in an ePortfolio post (“On Revision”), choose TWO of those bold revision headings, written as questions (Is Your Revision Really Substantial, How Effective is What You Say? etc.) and respond to the particular question, referencing specifics from your your 3rd essay draft. For example: If I choose to respond to “How Effective Is What You Say?” I’d evaluate those particular elements in my draft, in a paragraph or two, giving detailed examples, and specifying strengths and weaknesses and ways to improve that element through revision.

How Well Do You Represent What Others Say?

I represent what others say in an effective manner that supports my overall claims. I incorporate what they say, mainly through the use of embedded quotes. For example, in my first claim relating to empathy, I state, this only can occur if you “have no relationships, love nothing, are a sociopath, and maybe, if you’re enlightened” (Gay 3). This accurately relates to being empathetic as we have all experienced some form of relationships and love.  

I start my essay with what I say, rather than what they say, to bring in a specific personal connection relating to my experience thus far in college. However, I still need to tie my personal connections deeper to my claims. This is by going deeper in my intention and description of why it is included in the first place. Making it obvious for the reader. I will also spread out my They Say throughout the essay to remove any congestion with personal integration in between. I have documented my sources in the essay, and will create my works cited when it is time to submit the essay. 

Have you Shown Why Your Argument Matters?

Yes, I have shown why my argument matters, “we are all not that different from one another.” We all have experienced sorrow and joy, but maybe have never understood the true connection and necessity for both. I will hone in to emphasize these similarities by digging deeper in elaborating on the importance of empathy in centering joy in a world filled with distraction and division. This will strengthen why readers should care even more. 

My draft can be improved by using certain templates such as “My critique here is important because” to show the reader specifically what are my personal claims and how it relates to my source integration. 

Read Chapter 9 “As a Result” in They Say/I Say, pp. 123-136. Paste two connected paragraphs from either your first or second essay, then go through and highlight/bold all the transitions and words/phrases you notice (referencing the word bank on p. 111 & 112). Then: write a brief reflection answering these questions.

Simply put, Konnikova believes investing “in superficial relationships comes at the expense of more profound ones” (4). A distinct difference between an online connection on social media and a face to face one is “‘the nature of shared experience”’ as shared by Dunbar (Konnikova 4). Face to face experiences and interactions allow us to bond over the synchronicity of a shared experience. For example, as I am writing this essay as I am over five thousand feet in the air flying back from Kansas City where my sister just got married. Being there, I got to feel the presence of one hundred sixty four people smiling, crying, and cheering my sister and now brother in law on. Mind you this was in the ninety degree, humid midwestern heat. Most importantly, I got to see my twin brother getting jiggy with it on the dance floor wearing his cowboy hat. I am truly grateful for the gift to have been able to go. It just would not have been the same seeing it on my sister’s snapchat story.

Although there is depth in face to face connections, that is not to say the conveniences of social media should be overlooked. On the one hand, I agree that there is benefit and especially a time and a place for social media to be utilized to maintain connections. In the hockey world, I have played with teammates from around the world, including Slovakia, Italy, Czech Republic, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Canada, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania and from all over the U.S., including Alaska! Their distance physically does not limit my ability to keep in touch with them online. But on the other hand, I will be the first to say by limiting myself to solely an online connection with them on social media, I am not very close to them on a personal level. I would not even consider them to be in my Dunbar Number (150). In order for me to really feel close to someone, I need face to face interactions to feel more a part of their lives, as well as having them feel more a part of mine. 

 (1) What do you notice, as far as your tendencies/habits, when it comes to using connective language or phrases? Any patterns or repetitions? And, finally, in which specific places in your two paragraphs do you think connective words/phrases might help smooth over pivots and transitions? Be specific. Post as “Connecting the Parts” and be prepared to discuss.

I noticed just how valuable connection language and phrases are for the flow of my writing.  I mostly incorporate Addition transitional words such as “and”. I use “and” a lot to intertwine text connections with my own beliefs. In addition, I do use Example transitional words such as “For example” and similar language in my writing when I am about to incorporate a personal connection. Connective words/phrases help smooth over pivots and transitions throughout the entirety of the paragraphs. One example being in the beginning of my second paragraph which is a Naysayer paragraph. Using a transition word such as “Although” and “that is” in the intro to this paragraph prepares the reader for an Elaboration on a Contrast to my perspective.