Month: September 2024

Before

Simply put, Konnikova believes investing “in superficial relationships comes at the expense of more profound ones”. A distinct difference between an online connection on social media and a face to face one is “‘the nature of shared experience”’ as shared by Dunbar (Konnikova 4). Face to face experiences and interactions allow us to bond over the synchronicity of a shared experience. For example, as I am writing this essay as I am flying back to school from Kansas City where my sister just got married. Being there allowed me to see what my family saw, feel what my family felt and share our experiences together. I am truly grateful for the gift to have been able to go since I know it just would not have been the same just seeing it on my sister’s story on Snapchat. Although there is depth in face to face connections, that is not to say social media should be overlooked. There is definitely a time and a place for both. In the hockey world, I have played with teammates from around the world, including Slovakia, Italy, Czech Republic, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Canada, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania and from all over the U.S., including Alaska! Their distance physically does not limit my ability to keep in touch with them online.

After

Simply put, Konnikova believes investing “in superficial relationships comes at the expense of more profound ones”. A distinct difference between an online connection on social media and a face to face one is “‘the nature of shared experience”’ as shared by Dunbar (Konnikova 4). Face to face experiences and interactions allow us to bond over the synchronicity of a shared experience. For example, as I am writing this essay as I am flying back to school from Kansas City where my sister just got married. Being there allowed me to see what my family saw, feel what my family felt and share our experiences together. I am truly grateful for the gift to have been able to go since I know it just would not have been the same just seeing it on my sister’s story on Snapchat. Although there is depth in face to face connections, that is not to say social media should be overlooked. On the one hand, I agree that there is benefit and especially a time and a place for social media to be utilized to maintain connections. In the hockey world, I have played with teammates from around the world, including Slovakia, Italy, Czech Republic, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Canada, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania and from all over the U.S., including Alaska! Their distance physically does not limit my ability to keep in touch with them online. But on the other hand, I will be the first to say by limiting myself to solely an online connection with them on social media, I am not very close to them on a personal level. I would not even consider them to be in my Dunbar Number. In order for me to really feel close to someone, I need face to face interactions to feel more a part of their lives as well as having them feel more a part of mine. 

From what Lamott has to say, is writing a first draft more about the product or
the process? Do you agree in regard to your own first drafts? Explain.

From what Lamott has to say, writing a first draft is more about the process then the product, and I agree in regard to me own first drafts. The best thoughts and ideas come to me when I just write what I think, and don’t censor in a way that makes me analyze more about how I should write what I intend to get across. Letting it “all pour out” (Lamott 1). Anne Lamott learned she writes best when she starts her first draft in the lens of a child, writing “whatever voices and visions come through onto the page” (1). Remembering to trust the process, and knowing the technical revisions, outlining, etc. will come later on.

The first step for anything in life is starting, so starting somewhere is better than not starting at all. This aligns with my philosophy in writing but also outside English class. Lamott learned when she overwhelms herself with what to and not to write, her end result is not what she had hoped. Being free, not trying to write as anyone else but just how you would. No one is watching, it just you and you. Getting caught up in how someone else would write a piece will take you away from your own unique creativity and perspective that you bring to the table. Anne Lamott’s reading reminded myself to not get caught up in the little details and “just do it” – Nike.

What specific feedback did you receive and what comment(s) felt most helpful to your revision process?

What did you notice, from reading a peers’ work, that might help inform your own writing?

What were the biggest challenges you faced during your first peer review session, and how might you improve your experience for next time?

Kristen reviewed my writing. Overall, she said there is a lot of positive takeaways in what I did well and how I can strengthen my writing. My connections and personal connections to the prompt were able to create a clear picture in her head on what I intended to describe and emphasize. On big takeaway on how to strengthen my writing is to balance more of the text and my own personal thoughts. At times I overloaded her with information and summarization from the text that she does not believe is necessary and I agree. I will incorporate even more of my thoughts while eliminating what is not serving my claims in my essay from the text.

From reading Kristen’s work, I noticed a lot of positives. Her essay was formatted correctly which will help me have a better frame of reference on how to correctly formulate my essay. I was able to relate to her personal connections and create a picture in my head of what she was describing. Remembering to bring it all back to her thesis about not being dependent on social media is one aspect of Kristen’s writing that can be strengthened. This was a good reminder in my own writing in making sure I bring it all back to my why. Bringing it back to what I believe and how it all relates. Finding a balance in fine and broad comments throughout Kristen’s essay was the biggest challenge I faced during my first peer review session. I will improve this next time by first, going from making more overall comments of the whole essay to then getting more nitpicky.

Consider the impact social media use has had on your own friendships, and friendships in general/on a more global scale. In what specific ways has social media influenced your connections? Use specific experiences to help make your point.

Before

Social media has influenced my connections significantly. I am able to keep up to date with many more people than I would be able to in person. On Instagram I have over 1,000 followers. I only see about 10% of those followers at most in a given year. 

My best friend lives in Minnesota, which is not close to where I live. Having a connection with him on social media allows me to continue to maintain our friendship.

After

Social media has influenced my connections in a positive light. I am able to keep up to date with many more people than I would be able to in person. For example, on Instagram I have over 1,000 followers. I only see about 10% of those followers at most in a given year.  Social medial allows me to have some sort of connection with the other 900 while still having a close relationship with my inner circle.

In the hockey world, I have played with teammates from around the world, including Slovakia, Italy, Czech Republic, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Canada, Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania and from all over the U.S., including Alaska! Their distance physically does not limit my ability to keep in touch with them online.

Then, write one paragraph in that same post detailing the specific improvements you made in the revised version and why you made them. Did they help? How did your adjustments impact paragraph length? 

In my revised response, I added more of the magic word, specificity. I added more of a specific and relatable example for my intention of the paragraph. This being referencing where all my former and current teammates are from. I also added more detail with a little more explanation to my philosophy of utilizing social media. Furthermore, I edited my response to add more flow through transitions such as “for example”. The length of my paragraphs were increased due to my adjustments, and I believe these adjustments helped in making my point more clear.